God was the Same...

So I read Hebrews 11 this morning, thanks to my church who put it out on Facebook. In all honesty, this chapter basically calls back to our recollection that there are many people in the Bible who faced hard times. Times where the world was ending, people were dying and there were great dangers. Sounds somewhat familiar.
No matter what is going on, often we lose sight of the fact that God is still in control and will remain there. We try so hard to take everything and carry it all ourselves. Is it because we don't want him to have to worry about it? Very doubtful. It's because we have made the decision that we don't trust him with it. Not fully and not faithfully. We made the decision that our problems are too big for him. We may know he's there and know that he saved us from sin, but how many of us are truly faithful?
The same God that saved Noah is here. The one who stopped Abraham from sacrificing his son sacrificed his own. He's still here. He didn't go anywhere, we did. I did. Maybe you did. Lets turn around. Knock and he will answer. Lets take a step into our unknown. He knows it. He's already there. If you need encouragement because your faith is dry, read Hebrews 11. God still has us. Some of us are walking with him. Some are running to him and others are running away. He's the same for us all if we will just turn to him. He loves us and wants us. My faith may not be huge in my circumstances but its getting bigger. It's gaining momentum and strength. I am running to my God. He's still there with open arms. For you and me.

I woke up...

Sleep is amazing. You can be anyone in dreams. You can be an astronaut, a pilot or even a cowboy. Last night, I was the love of your life. It was great. Just like it use to be. We were walking and talking. You told me you loved me. Unbelievably real. Then, I woke up.
I realized in that moment, that this was as close as I would get to that again. Maybe for a while, maybe forever. And there it was, back for more. My fear and heavy heart. It ripped itself out and told me how foolish I am. It showed me once again what my reality is.
I don't know if you want me. Neither do you. The life that we built was a lie, nothing of it true. It hurts to know you were never sincere. It hurts to know it was fake.
Still, I love you. I'm here and you walked away. I don't think you deserve my love. None of us deserve anything good. But still it remains. For now. I don't know how long. Your bed is made, your decision is yours. Just please, think it through. Pray it out. I am. I long for sleep to get back to the happiness. Sweet dreams to us both.

We Looked Back

I'm sitting on the beach right now where I proposed to my wife. That was 5 years ago (in 6 days). I think back to how I felt that night. I was nervous, sweaty, clammy, and thought for sure I would lose heart. What if she said no? Man, that would've floored me. I would've been crushed. We walked out on the beach and were just standing under the stars. It was chilly with the ocean breeze. I can still feel it. I looked up, prayed silently to God while I held her. I turned her around and slid out the ring. You have to understand. I'm not good at this type of thing. She teared up, smiled and said yes. It was one of the top ten happiest moments I think I could ever experience. I was king of Holden Beach.

Now, I sit on this very same beach. I just ran a few miles and stopped at the very point on this beach where I felt that elated feeling. Here I sit 5 years later. That same nervous feeling. Sweaty and clammy, all the while constantly saying silent prayers to God. Now I'm praying for us in a different way. For her, for me and for our children. Now I'm looking for that same answer. A teary yes. I'm no longer king of Holden Beach. I pray for elation. I pray for that love again. I pray I don't lose heart.