Pain is imminent. How you handle that pain is completely up to you. It's funny because I've been going through something lately that has been the hardest thing I've ever been through. I know that everyone goes through something and everyone's pain is real. I don't want to take away from that. I want to preface by saying that regardless the situation, I am still blessed. But my pain is my pain and to me it's tough.
I've been told I'm a fixer. I try to fix everything. I can understand how that can be annoying. At first I think it was a selfish tendency. I didn't want to go through the rough patch so my natural instinct was to try to fix it. I didn't know that the other person would be upset by this. I didn't know that trying to make the situation better was a problem.
The next phase of my fixing was for those around me. I didn't want them to hurt anymore so I tried to remedy. I asked questions, probably too many and I tried to force conversation. I'm a fixer.
On the other hand, I wanted what I wanted because of the vision I had for my life. I have this thing called by some an imagination. I imagined the American dream. That doesn't always work out, to no fault of your own. I certainly am learning that the hard way.
The one thing I have learned in this situation is that sometimes God speaks to us through others. I feel that he has to me. Let me also preface, in case you are confused, that God did not appear to me in a burning bush nor did He yell at me through a thunderstorm. I feel that He has gotten my attention and confirmed an answer to a prayer through others. I've been told several times over the last four days one thing specifically. Twice by trusted friends or family, once through a sermon at church and another by a family member who heard almost the same sermon at a different church altogether. To sweeten the pot, that sermon brought me to their mind.
So what is this mysterious awakening? This confirmation? It's actually very simple. Here it is. God's plan or vision for my life is much greater than my own vision or plan for my life. I know. It's simple. Almost elementary if you're a Christian. Lets just say it was written out for us. The Bible says :For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV). Here's the thing. My plans may very well cause harm for me and bring about struggle. That is not hopeful.
I am still learning and I am still praying. I know that God is in control. I have learned that I cannot take the wheel here. I have to fully commit to Him. I have to let him take it.
Just to wrap this up, please know that I do not brag wisdom. Nor will I try to convince you that I am a Bible scholar or a theologian. I am simply a broken, insecure man who is searching for something. An answer or a truth. I need this revelation to come from my faith because quite frankly, I'm not strong enough or smart enough to do it on my own. I know that there is a struggle ahead of me. I am afraid of the cost as well as the outcome. I know there will be some degree of suffering no matter the outcome. But, I know there is good from that as well. The Bible also says this: Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3, 4 NIV).
Thank God for hope. It's what we need. It's what I yearn for. I will keep the faith. I will lean on The Lord. No matter what. I am so glad that He is in control. I never will be.
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