I Told You...

What if I told you I miss you? What if I said this is enough? We need to make a move. We've been sitting in the same place for too long now. I've prayed over us and I've prayed over you. Somewhere along the way I forgot about me. So did you.

I've poured myself into us and into you. I've made decisions, to better our life together and always with your input. I'd venture to even say sometimes for your benefit without ever considering me. That's what this was to me. To make sure you were given what you wanted. To try to meet every need.

Here I am now. All alone. I can't find you no matter how hard I search. I see you but you're not here. Not really. So many times I've stayed awake praying you'd come back. You've made me a believer. That you're gone. I still miss you.

Now I realize I did a disservice. To myself anyway. I may have to you. I built an expectation for myself that I could never have lived up to in your eyes. Who could? I placed myself as the sole provider. Of love, acceptance and of gratification. No one should have to live up to that. Nor should you have.

My mistake? Not putting God first. Not realizing that's where my fulfillment must come from. I inadvertently put it on you. That was incredibly unfair. I won't apologize for putting you first. Nor will I apologize for trying so hard. It's who I am. I gave it my all. This is no longer my burden. I've given it away to the One who does love me. To He who will never waiver on His love and commitment to me. I've given it to my Savior. To my Jesus.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28